So college. Is interesting. Honestly right now it fricken sucks. I have like one genuine friend but I don't want to over use her friendship. And I mean I know this is the biggest change in life I'm ever going to make but I'm not so sure I'm ready. Or maybe that this is the right place for me? But I have to give it a chance, that's what I keep telling myself. After all, once I find that one thing I love, I'm sure I'll enjoy the freedom. But another hard part is just living with people. I mean we all want things to be our way. But to me, there are also general courtesy things such as, if you spill your make up all over the sink, CLEAN IT UP. Along with the hair and glob of toothpaste in there... like do you really want to see that? How hard can it be to fill up a water pitcher after you poor some water out? Do you really need to leave it empty? Does it take THAT long for you to turn the sink on? Maybe not, but it would take a long time to clean the piles of dishes you leave in the sink waiting for someone else to clean them. And unfortunately, when it gets gross enough I'll just clean it. Or like if you offer to do some of my laundry with yours, and then neglect to finish doing it. So while I'm sick and feel like shit with a super shitty sickness, you're going to have me go down three flights of stairs to make sure my clothes dont get stolen? I really should stop being so nice. Reeaaally need to work on that. And then texting me and not even asking me to but just saying you left it all down there like you assume I'll just get it for you!? Come on.
My tiredness from being up late last night certainly can't help, but I'm not all to excited to have my roomie come stumbling in drunk and not be able to make it up to her bed. But that's not my problem. Not my problem. Right. I love being able to read this whole blog of me that pretty much no one reads, that I know of. And one day I think it would be interesting to show people about it but they would probably get angry at some parts, the truth does hurt. That's a good lesson to learn. My missing Patrick made me really think, "Can I do this? Can I stay with him and have my own social life here? Is he going to understand what's happening in my life? or is he just going to flip out if I tell him I had a drink?" My honest answers are all over the place, part of me knows I can do this, part of me thinks I can't. I know I'll be able to have my own social life, I'll just have to learn how to be friends with boys instead of a tease. But in all honesty, I miss not only him but the physical aspects of being with him. Not like sex but just little things, like hugs, and holding hands. And being able to be so close next to him and for it to not be awkward. I miss that. All of that. And I really miss my best friend. Who I could make funny faces at and stick my tongue out at which would lead to a kiss. Thank you mono for making my life so miserable at one of the hardest times! Its not "so miserable". So I shouldn't say that. Its hard that's all. And I like things to be easy. I like things to go my way and for people to be considerate and caring. Sometimes I wonder if people like my roommate have ever gotten the respect that I get in my community. Because the way I've been raised, some behaviors are just so obnoxious and not welcoming. I guess my parents did a good job. I know they did. So thank you. And thank you for this opportunity. But don't hate me when I say, I hate this. Right now. Allllll of this. Its well past my bedtime and I need to go to the bathroom. Sweet dreams babe.
