Soulmate

The infamous soulmate.
Have you found yours? 
Do you have one? 
Do you have more than one?

What is a soulmate?

I firmly believe everyone has at least one soulmate in this world. However, I also believe most people have more than one. (keep in mind all of this is while I'm reading "Modern Romance" and laughing my ass off at how true it is) 

But anyways, I believe most people have more than one soul mate; because I believe that a soulmate is someone who is so perfect for you in one way, at one point in time. But that's it. They're meant to be in your life for that time and only that time and then you are meant to move on. They're supposed to have an such a large impact that you can feel them in your thoughts, like the head over heels love so many people seek. I don't think that's who you are supposed to marry. 

To me, your relationship with your soulmate is so amazing, so perfect and passionate all at once that it can't last. Because once you start learning who each other are and what qualities you have, that attraction fades...or it does and you try to force it back resulting in a forced, uncomfortable relationship where neither of you are happy. Or you're both pretending, and that never lasts.

I think I found mine.

In fact, I know I did. I'm just too afraid to actually commit to saying that because I have no idea how he felt. I wish I could know... I think I know but I only really want to know if it's a "he cares about me the same way I cared about him" answer.

He's smart, really motivated, Jewish, hilarious, thoughtful, kind, spunky, outgoing, protective... I mean I really can keep going. Whenever I was with him I felt like nothing could go wrong. He's carefree but not careless. And he's still a teenager. Granted he's 19, turning 20 in like two months but still. I couldn't have planned that even if I wanted to. He was the one person everyone was like "oh you should go for it" and I literally said "No way, he's way too young. If I can't get a drink with him I'm not dating him." And now that's all I wish I could do.

Drink Up

I don't know what to make of any of it. I can't tell if I don't want it to work out in general or if I really want it to and I'm trying to find a reason for it to fall apart like every other relationship. Or if I'm just really that uncomfortable with the idea of me being with someone, I don't know. He's a party boy but I partially like that. It makes me social and I like being around energetic people. But at the same time if I'm having a shitty day and at 6 pm wanted to call and talk to a sober person I don't think he would be... and that I obviously really dislike. But he's really cute, he's got little freckles and brown eyes, and a ginger beard. He's sweet and polite, more than I am. And he's very personable. But I haven't been around him I've just been like dead weight. Which isn't fun. And I want to tell him just to get it out of the way but at the same time I don't. But now that I think about it, if I told him now and he didn't want to see me anymore, I don't think I would feel like that it was the reason why he didn't want to see me anymore.. because that's how I feel already But I think that's because of the wall I've put up, which has resulted in me seeming quite shy. I just need another chance with him in a casual setting... but I don't know what we would do. But I just want to spend time with him.