Drink Up

I don't know what to make of any of it. I can't tell if I don't want it to work out in general or if I really want it to and I'm trying to find a reason for it to fall apart like every other relationship. Or if I'm just really that uncomfortable with the idea of me being with someone, I don't know. He's a party boy but I partially like that. It makes me social and I like being around energetic people. But at the same time if I'm having a shitty day and at 6 pm wanted to call and talk to a sober person I don't think he would be... and that I obviously really dislike. But he's really cute, he's got little freckles and brown eyes, and a ginger beard. He's sweet and polite, more than I am. And he's very personable. But I haven't been around him I've just been like dead weight. Which isn't fun. And I want to tell him just to get it out of the way but at the same time I don't. But now that I think about it, if I told him now and he didn't want to see me anymore, I don't think I would feel like that it was the reason why he didn't want to see me anymore.. because that's how I feel already But I think that's because of the wall I've put up, which has resulted in me seeming quite shy. I just need another chance with him in a casual setting... but I don't know what we would do. But I just want to spend time with him.