Yours Truly

To the girl who made it her unknown goal to ruin so much of me:

I hope you know it. But you don't. I hope you get to a point where you have no where to go, no one to go to, and you feel how much it sucks when someone, even yourself, destroys your life. You pushed me closer to the edge than I ever thought I would ever, in my LIFE, get to. And I don't mean the thrill seeking edge, but maybe thats what it was for you. Maybe you really do get joy in seeing other people suffer, and thrive off of their dislike of you. It fuels your hate fire, right?

There's just no way you can be so in denial and oblivious to what happened in the fall, to what you did to me, to what you did to everyone, and what you did to yourself. Yeah part of me feels bad because you're clearly seriously fucked up. But then part of me is just like eh whatever she did it to her self. Even a normal drunk person would realize when theres plastic wrap on a toilet before she takes a shit in a house full of people's bathroom. But nottt you. Nope, not you. Because you're too good for that. You're too above everyone else, making exceptions for yourself here and there; left, right, and center. You should really work on that. Because I hope to fucking god that you honestly realize what the hell you did to not only me, but probably most of your other friends.... or lack there of. 

What it comes down to is you're an obnoxious fucking bitch. And I hate myself for not seeing that sooner. You're demeaning and demoralizing and have a horrible sense of self worth. Which yes, messes up your life. So blame your parents. but dont take it out on people you're close with. I'm not going to fucking put up with you as a counselor if you can't even show up to 4 days the year before. like WHAT THE FUCK. and yeah my statement is completely contradictory, you could've "gotten better" but you did that before and look how it turned out. OH you lied to EVERYONE. dick sucking bitch. ITS NOT SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF WHEN YOU DISLOCATE YOUR JAW GIVING HEAD. Its funny because its so goddamn embarrassing.  So thank you; for ruining my friendships with so many people, for making me feel like i wanted to go drown myself in the lake at one point in time, for the time you yelled at me because I was too drunk and using a baby voice. 

Be a nice person. It's not that hard.
Get over yourself.

You are the one person I have a physically violent response to being around and I still, to this day, would love to just slug you straight in the jaw and then snap your back in half. NO PROBLEM. seeing as you clearly have an eating disorder and dont eat. I still can't figure out why I dislike you so much.

It could be because you shared my deepest darkest secret and betrayed all of my trust in a lot of people. But at the same time, you didn't because I know I trust people more than I should, you were just a reminder. And part of me does actually want to ask you if you were the one who told, to not only see if you admit to it but to also see if you were sober enough to remember. Because I have a pretty damn hard time believing that you just hated me that much to bring up that kind of secret in a normal state of mind, or just regularly drunk.

So yeah, I still have problems believing it was actually you who told. Yet I am going to blame you for it anyways because I can't think of a SINGLE other person who would've done that to me. It's not something that just comes up in an every day conversation, or even a heart to heart. you leave names out. you don't tell things. You're lucky I am one of the most rubber band like people ever, resilient's the word. Because I do trust, my heart is wide open to anyone who needs it, anyone who wants it. All I ask is that whoever does need it or wants it doesn't ruin it. But you did. And that makes me sad, to see someone I was so close with throw so much away and "not care". You do care. You just tell yourself you don't so you're not constantly dissatisfied with your life.

yeah i'm gonna say that.

And for now, thats all.

Hate,
M