wHeN YoU WiSH uPoN A sTAr

It's 11:11 and I'm just about to make my wish...okay done. I'm actually at a really low point in my mood right now. I feel like everything I do is just wrong and I feel really frazzled? I'm not sure why but I feel like I have no control over when I should stop talking to people... I feel like my normal intuition is leaving me. As is my knack for names which is actually annoying. So besides me being an idiot with Mike just a little more...today Ricky told me he wanted me to be his girlfriend. As he put it "I feel like you would be a really good girlfriend". Are you SHITTING me!? was pretty much my response. Like if anything, you don't tell someone you want them to be your girlfriend because after 2 years of being single you think they would be a good girlfriend... WHO DOES THAT!?

So then I tried explaining how I felt and the more I thought about it... I feel like I might actually like him? I'm really not sure. I'm not attracted to him. But I don't like the thought of loosing him as a friend, which he pretty much said is going to happen because he didn't think we could be good friends because the feelings are still there. I really don't know why I'm struggling so much. I feel like I just keep walking into shitty situations like this where I'm just the friend that gets fucked over because no matter what I do its never the right thing.

Like actually, how many times am I gonna get fucked over: Patrick... Brad... Mike...

Things aren't looking good and whether it's because I'm pmsing or something else but my optimism certainly isn't there. I'm even trying to get more involved. I'm really liking my classes though not the excessive amount of work I've already been faced with. But still, I don't mind going to my classes, I've met some really interesting people from them. I just don't know what to do. Kelly and I are going to try to join another club... I need to find something else to get involved in because she's even involved in class council. And I guess Stephanie isn't capable of juggling a lot of things at once? I understand she's going through a lot but I really don't know. I'm just mad at everyone right now and I'm just going to go to bed soon and hope tomorrow will be better. But the people next door to me are BLASTING music. Thank you college. UGH. And now I'm listening to depressing music on pandora because its the only thing that seems to fit my mood and Stephanie didn't call me back and I can't get on to the school website and nothing's working out for me today. I really should go to bed. Hmmbug.