Love/Hate

One of my friends once randomly brought up that she doesn't think the opposite of love is hate, it's indifference. To which, I was somewhat shocked by because the phrase is so popular... like "its a love/hate relationship". But I realized, if you're going to hate something, you have to feel something towards it. So wouldn't the opposite of love be feeling nothing? to not care whether they're dating someone else, do things before you, or talk about you behind your back..?

Part of me says yes, but part of me says no. I think hate and love are on opposite ends of extreme emotions. So in that retrospect, yes hate is the opposite of love. 

The think that kills me the most is its the ones you once loved that you're going to hate the most. Its the ones you once cared about and then they hurt you, and whether you can forgive them or not, thats your choice. I like to hold grudges.

Grudges in the sense that if they're not ready to admit they did something wrong, and I am positive I did nothing to deserve that treatment. And thats how this is. Except I also have the greatest fear that maybe I did do something that awful. But if I did, I was drunk enough that it shouldn't be held to me. 

How can someone who has told you she wants you in her wedding go around and say "you're letting your personal life get in the way and i'm doing this to keep you from having to deal with your reputation which is why no one gets back to you." 

1) I'm not letting my personal life get in the way. Yeah he's an asshole, but thats not why I said no. I said no because I couldn't trust that one girl to maintain everyone else's safety and all and have my name on the line, because I don't trust her. Sorry. You're going to tell me you're back to having a drinking problem... I'm going to not trust your ability to make decisions. Because she was fine, and now she's not.

2) You're the one fucking person (changing point of view) you're the ONE fucking person who took me out to lunch to tell me when I should get another date to formal because the guy I was into had another girl. If you can tell me that, and not that I embarrassed myself beyond all belief one night,  and how they're still talking about it, then fuck you. There's no reason you can't tell them "shut the fuck up she's my best friend and sister" and quiet that shit down. I know you're shit talking me behind my back. As am I to you, but only because you hurt me. There is NOTHING I did to you that could hurt you that much. 

You should really quit and be the druggy party girl you apparently are. so go for it. I'll do you a favor and stop caring.


And then theres the boy. Who I absolutely adore but confuses the crap out of me 90% of the time. You can't keep mentioning herpes and joking about it when I have it, which maybe you know? If you do, I'd rather you just say something... I've been careful about it for a reason. Especially with you. And then to just throw in syphilis when I ask why after you say you're feeling like shit... not how it works at this age bud. I know you're only 17 but you really often act far beyond your years.. but I think about me when I was 17 and I'm such a different person. I'm nervous to see how you're going to change, because I did, but I'm not sure you will  change a little bit. But I really just want to spend more time with you, so I hope we can.