Crying always makes everything better in the end. But right now I'm finding it hard to get the release point I need too. Everything that's happening is exactly at once and I don't know what to pay attention to.
For example, I'm already awful enough at being mad at people but being mad at two people at once... that's a whole different story. I can't be upset about my whole boy situation and deal with my best friend leaving to go back to rehab school after lying to me the same way the guy did. The guy who she hated that is... please tell me how that makes sense. It doesn't. That's what it comes down to. She knows she messed it up big time but I can't tell how I feel about it. When he did it to me I was really hurt but with her its like I expected her to let me down at one point or another. I don't really understand what I'm feeling right now. Hence why I'm babbling on here. I've decided I don't care too much if someone reads this or not. Its like an online journal and simple enough I feel much better. Maybe instead of crying this will be my new release of tensions and emotions.
Sleeping after crying is one of the best sleeps someone can get. Your body is so exhausted from everything coming out at once. I kind of regret texting him. It was a lapse of judgement on my part but I do really need to talk to him. I can't decide what to do because either way I feel like I just put myself in a hole that I can't get out of for a while. I'm texting him now and he knows I'm not my usual self but if he asks and/or calls me 1. I won't be able to talk and 2. I don't know what to tell him is wrong. I've lost that drive I had to just let him go because my best friend let me down big time and she's the one I always went to with all my problems. So as it is, I am stuck in a hole and don't know how to get out. The plan is to try to let everything go and see what happens... he got off probation and says he "hopes to visits" so we'll see how that all plays out. And for my friend... well that's another story and time will have to fix that one.
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