Re-Start!

So I forgot about this for a while and then I saw the movie Julie&Julia earlier today and I figured I could start it up again. After reading the other posts I decided I didn't want to write the same way but I couldn't bring myself to delete them. So now, almost a year later I'm restarting this whole blogging thing. I love being able to write and having it open for people to read. But sometimes I don't get why people would bother reading it. So if you are reading this I hope you get something from it.

After almost a full year and a half of "being with" my guy, something snapped in me when I didn't hear anything from him on my birthday or any days following it. I can't say I regret it because I don't think I do. I loved, and still partially do, still love him but reality set in on my fantasy world I had been living in for so long. I remember being in a similar position back in January after he lied to me and told me he quit smoking but I soon found out that was a lie. Yet when I confronted him he simply said its his way of dealing with the "shit in his life". Meanwhile half the shit in is life is because of the fact that he smokes and drinks. But back to being in the same position. This time, I'm ready for it to be done. Back in January I guess I was more insecure than I realized and wasn't strong enough to say what I had wanted to at the time.
However, after working through six going on seven weeks at my hell resembling yet oh so lovable job, I found that I'm stronger than I thought. I hate the feeling I have inside of me of being alone and not having that one person that I can always go to but I'm looking at it as a time to make me more comfortable with myself so the next relationship I get into I don't hesitate to get what I want, and maybe even see them once every 2 years. That would be a miracle. So for now, that's about all I have to say. I'm going to go finish typing the letter that I started to him because I don't have the guts to say it on the phone. Maybe the letter will help me get the courage to, and I'll tell him instead of sending the letter... which I still don't know if I want to do. I'll try to pick up more on this whole network of blogs but bear with me... half the time I'm asleep by 9:30.