was how I actually valued his friendship and the sex we had. But he never even believed it. For once in my life, one guy seems to have thought I was a heartless bitch, which I am just so far from. And I hate that he doesn't get to see that, get to know that part of me because then at least I could consider him my friend. I haven't ever hurt in this way. I feel like an animal who's been used for body parts.
I don't understand. I don't understand why he didn't believe that I am a caring person who is loving to the bone and hates hurting peoples feelings. I don't understand how he can say he was so good at reading people but yet when I try to have a conversation that would seemingly benefit our relationship he accuses me of being girlfriend-y when he was the one that kissed me on the forehead and constantly was saying "I miss you, and not just for the sex." I hate it. I hate that he wouldn't even drive in the car 30 minutes one way and 30 minutes another to the same mountain, and talk to me like a human. I just feel like a piece of meat and that feeling wont go away. It's hard to hold it together when the one time I try to be nice he has to point out that the girl who he "digs" is coming up to visit him. It hurts. A lot. And I'm sad. And for once I don't know what to do to remedy this, because having sex with someone else didn't make it better one bit. It didn't make it easier to forget or move past. It just added another number. Don't get me wrong, it was fun and I enjoyed the experience but I just want to have someone who knows my body's wants and is fun and pushes me out of my comfort zone. It all meant something to me, but he doesn't seem to care or believe me no matter what I say. And that hurts.
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