Heartbreak Warfare

I'm not sure where to start. Frustration would kind of describe how I feel right now. But I'm disappointed, upset, hurt, and angry as well. I guess all of these feelings are what one normally feels right after a break up... mine were just postponed a bit. I just don't get him, Brad that is. He's literally more dramatic than me. And clearly, doesn't want anything to do with me anymore (okay... so now it's my turn to be dramatic). So I'm not going to give him that option. It sucked to be sitting there and how we normally would've been really flirty and all that and now we just sit there. Maybe we were just too good together or something but I don't think that was the case, or is the case for that matter. It's so stupid that he gets nervous about commitment and so he's going to act differently which as a result impacts our whole relationship. Like okay, I get that you're 21 and are supposed to get married in the next 9 years but guess what, thats exactly what I want. And you know that. I can't say I'm surprised that that would freak him out but I just feel so let down. And his lying... like how am I supposed to know what he really has said or done. Maybe he just told me he talked to his mom about me because he knew I would like it. Seeing him the way I am right now, that wouldn't surprise me AT ALL. But now I just don't know what to do.

I suppose this is good. I get to feel my actual break up. Heartbreak... all that jazz that every girl loves. All is not fair in love and war. I don't know why anyone would think that. It's not true. I don't see how it could be. Because this, me and Brad, isn't fair. Maybe that's just saying what we have isn't love, but part of me felt like it was, in a different way than with Patrick. So now I'm sitting in a trench, waiting for the next move to happen. I've lost a few limbs so far, but maybe those can get re-attached if I so happen to be lucky enough. Maybe I'll just be leaning on everyone the rest of my life...that's not so much up to me at this point. I never really thought about the phrase "heartbreak warfare" but right now, in this moment, I can't think of a word that better fits my feelings.