Nobody Said It Was Easy

To be honest, I'm so exhausted right now this won't be my best post. But I told Patrick tonight about everything that bothered me in our relationship, his lack of input, lack of effort, etc. I can't put into words how I feel right now. I know I love him, and I know I always will. But besides that, I don't know what kind of love. Part of me is absolutely capable of making myself forget I felt all of this, or rather than forget simply move forward. Part of me is done with what we had. I know he's not. I know he was so upset tonight when we talked. I know that. And it broke my heart.

Right now, I feel more alone than I have in a long time. And surprisingly, I'm moderately okay with it. But only moderately. I dont know what to make of it though. I don't know if I'm trying to protect myself or what but it's more than confusing. And I don't like not understanding myself. And then there's my one "guy friend" who we agreed to be just friends. And he was the one I wanted to talk to. But I was too tired. So maybe that will be tomorrow.

Nobody said it was easy. I've known that from the start, relationships are work. I've just never been in this state of mind before.

Nobody said it was easy. But did people say it was hard?