Take 2973

Ricky-


I need you to read this whole thing without shutting it all out. I need you to listen. And I need you to respond.

I know you're not necessarily into it, but the song I'm listening to couldn't be more fitting to listen to while writing this. I'm not even going to tell you because it doesn't matter. I just can't even find a place to start. My semester has been worse than you can imagine. And now that it's coming to an end it makes me think about our friendship probably more than I should seeing as I'm not even finishing school on time this semester. I just don't want to lose you. And I don't know if I have.


I know the last time we actually talked was that friday afternoon, and I know how hard that was for me, and I know it wasn't easy for you. You said you could completely cut me out of your life and would be fine with it, but that you didn't want to. And I didn't want you to. And I still don't. But I'm not sure what I want either, which I know was part of why you wanted to stop talking. When I saw you in the library that random wednesday afternoon my stomach literally dropped. I hadn't seen you in so long and I was okay with that until I saw you. I blocked you on facebook chat and unfollowed you on twitter because I couldn't deal with seeing your name everywhere. And I know that sounds extreme but you were my best friend. You were always looking out for not only me, but my friends too. Losing you was and still is really sad. And I've cried a lot for a lot of different reasons. Every time a cop shows up at a party I still think of the sig ep party when the cops came at the very end and Kate and I had been hiding in a closet and I just remember coming out of it and looking at my phone to see you calling me but then looking up and seeing you walking towards me in the basement and giving me the biggest hug and of course I ended up crying but you were the only person I wanted to see right then.

I really don't know what else to say to you. I could actually go on for a lot longer but I don't think I need to. If you want me to explain more I can try. But even writing this much was a challenge. What it comes down to is I just want to know. I want to know if you do just want to cut me out of your life or if you want to do what you said and go back to being friends? And if you do, when? I know you're stressed from finals, and trust me so am I. But I need this, so I'm asking you as someone who used to be my friend who I always tried to talk to when something bothered me to answer this. I miss you.

Love,
Marcy